The danger of opening your heart

~ hello to you all !!! i know its been sometime since my last entry. I have been very busy with my social life , business and family.
on that note...i shall begin...

~I have learned the repetitive lesson that once you allow your true self to come out...you are GOING to be hurt. YOU are never going to be good enough for ANYONE. The barbs and insults should just NOT be used on your spouse as you would your sibling or co-worker...THINK before you speak !!!
~ IF i have told you i have a weight issue..hell even if i havent ..do NOT call me Buddha(- a God with a large stomach for those of you who do not know this..ALSO when im giving you my christmas gift i MADE you ..do not call it cheap or that it looked like a rush job

~i know that no one out there is perfect but if someone cannot even show me the same respect as they would a friend or family member...i dont know what the outcome is going to be

Hooked on a feeling

Well after so many horrible first dates, blind dates and failed relationships . I think I have found a man I really like and that likes me. I haven't felt this way in a really long time. Sometimes its a little scary and overwhelming but I am enjoying it. It's been so long since I've been interested in a "good nice guy " , it seemed for a while I was attracted to the drama and craziness of dating a "bad boy " but I wanted and deserved more than being someones second choice or backup. I forgot what it was like to have someone more interested in me , then just when he was " in the mood" or "bored" I know that sounds horrible , if any of my friends treated me like the way some of these guys treated me I would have tossed them to the curb long ago...BUT because as women we are so afraid to be alone we cling on to any attention even if its unhealthy.

~ How nice it is to get little wake up messages, have nick names , hour long phone calls. And going out with each other just to look into each others eyes and be happy.

~ Also business is expanding and to have someone to celebrate with and be happy for me , instead of be jealous is truly remarkable .

A New Autumn

~Howdy ya'll !! Well let's see what has gone on...I am learning to be ever more optimistic and happy about all in my life. I truly understand now when people say " Think positive , and positive things will occur."It is so True
~ I mean think about it ..when did something good happen the last time you felt sorry or depressed for yourself? In a relationship no one wants to date someone constantly bitching and moping about themselves, in business you can not expect for your company to grow when you expect to not make your sales goals or quotas...it happens when you work at it and be positive :-)
~ Now I'm not saying every minute of every day I'm happy and chipper...But over all you need to stay positive..even when you think you have reached bottom because somewhere , someone else has it 10 times worse then you do.

A Night to Remeber

Well hi to you all. I have completed another of the many things I wish to enjoy in my "new" life ..I got to see an amazing performance from the troupe of Cirque Du Soleil!!! I remember watching all the taped performances on the Bravo network(I think that was the channel) when I was a little girl and I thought I would never get to see them : but I did!!! They came to Rochester New York!! Which is a shock in and of itself. Nothing comes to us...we are a waste land. AND yes I spent WAY too much on the tickets and souvenirs...but I look at it like this...2 months ago I didn't know if i was gonna live or die right? So spending a little on myself is more than okay :)

AND I loved every minute of it

ALLLLEEEEGGGRRIIAAA

A whole New Day

Howdy ya'll....
I hope you are all doing fabulous and great. What has gone on lately..hmm..well lets see, I'm still single however that no longer bothers me as much as it used to. I feel the Lord has a plan for all of us. I don't mean to sound like one of those truly obnoxious preachy persons, however I can't help but acknowledge His presence throughout my ordeal.
~What has also come to my knowledge is that I received more well wishes and support from complete strangers than I thought was possible and the people I should have gotten the most from I did not. SO I know now who my "true" friends are and who is not.
~ I also have a brand new outlook on life..gone is the MaryBeth who would let people walk over her and not say anything..gone is the woman who would be so kind to people who turn around and stab me in the back . Those days are truly over, I'm still warm and kind but now more choosy.
~ I also got a new look physically I have lost a total of 35lbs since my journey started months ago, I feel so much more energized and positive. Life is to short to harm ones self for a good time , whether it be from too much food, alcohol or even worse smoking or drugs. And once again I'm not saying i don't like a good bag of Frito's and a glass of wine now and then..lol..

~Today is a new Day :)
Come join me

great news

hi to you all
great news! no cancer yaaayyyyyy

Surgery Over

hi all

i missed you. i have had my surgery its been 2 weeks.in case you don't remember i had a large tumor on my liver the surgeons had to remove 50% of my liver and they also removed the gall bladder because it was in the way. i was in the hospital for about 5 days. I'm recovering quite well....i have a new lease on life. I'm done worrying about the little things and even some of the big things...I'm just so happy to be home and out of that hospital. there are noises of people screaming that i cannot get out of my mind. and my roommate was a trip and a half. her dam cell phone rang ALL night in loud mode...dude show some respect and this was an older lady too not some young chick like me , i had my cell on low ring to be classy...lol..i walked to the end of the block today and i even designed a new purse. good times.....i still cant eat allot hurts to much when the stomach stretches out . i have a Huge incision on my belly and about 26 staples that need to be removed. its been so surreal and i still cannot believe this happened to me . i love life so much its not even funny. and i have such an amazing group of family and friends that have made this traumatic moment all the more bearable. i still do not know if it is cancer yet. and i don't care. ....well i do but i love how I'm feeling right now and I'm not gonna stop living life like this regardless if it is.

thanks god and all of you

Surgery Date

hi to you all. i will not be writing for some time due to my surgery on july 30th if you would like updates follow me on Facebook . God bless u all

Here comes the Sun

Well after what seemed to be months of never ending bad news. First my dads family business of more than 50 years closed unexpectedly in March, then my ongoing health concerns. There is finally a moment to be happy. My dad finally got hired, its not a great job..but its a job. not gonna lie things were tight for a while ....and unemployment doesnt pay nearly what they should.so i look to the skies with gratefulness. i thank him for the small things: my gardens, a snow cone on a hot day, a smile, warm sun. no matter what the lord throws us...there is always a raft floating around for us...just got to be patient and find it

renewed hope

hi to everyone
well after a depressing week , i am back in the mood that all good things come to those who wait. life is a series of ups and downs. without the downs..how can we appreciate the ups right?

i also learned that love takes more than a few kind statements and compliments. it takes time and understanding of one anothers opinions and you NEED to have some things in common...especially when it comes to morals.

i am hopeful once again that i will find my soul mate....I'm just not focusing on that one goal...life is too short ..if it happens ..it happens...and i will know it is the right guy :=)

is done

yeah im done looking for mr. right..he isn't out there....

marriage

hello everybody
well it seems i am the last one from the old gang to NOT be married. NOW that's not a bad thing , it seems marriage never lasts anyways. Someone falls "out" of love with the other person...i mean is it humanly possible or probable to remain in love and happy with the same person year after year.....day after day?

seems a lot of married people cheat on their spouses too. why i found out a family friend was being cheated on by his wife of 30 years. she was having an affair with her boss for 8 years!!! Also i am always getting approached by married men...like i want to ruin someones family.....i am not that type of girl.

YET the hopeless romantic in me wants the faery tale wedding....but the real thing we should all strive for is a happy long term marriage....and i also desire that. the knowledge of having someone by your side, someone to take you to the doctor , to be there to hear bad news with you. to let you cry on their shoulder......to go to parties with you ..to have him look at you and say " yeah shes with me"....sigh.....o well.....i do know this one thing:

i would rather be alone and single...then to marry the wrong man to just have a wedding. if you have to question it ..its not cold feet....it means you should not do it.

Holidays Are the Worst

Happy 4th of July

Well today was a Happy Independence Day for me , until the fireworks came. Its always that time i get a little sad. For i am for the most part a single woman. I don't have someone to hold hands with and kiss at the end of the showcase of lights. Grant it i have a terrific family and a close knit group of friends and yes i believe there is a man that cares for me . BUT he is not here , he is there ..far far away. Will we ever make it work? I doubt he is that serious about me . i feel i am just a passing fancy have the time. ANYWAYS...back to what i was saying...any other singleton knows that most of the times we love being single , then we have a moment of envy and jealousy. For me its always around New Year's Eve for obvious reasons, Valentine's day, and Fourth of July.

Tonite i sat in my chair and watched the fireworks with my dad and i watched cute little families walk by holding hands and i kept thinking " im going to die alone and miserable"...And with the huge tumor growing inside me ..probably quite soon.

THEN one couple with 2 kids settled behind us and i heard the dad and the mom talking to the kids and showing them the purdy lights. THEN all of a sudden they started fighting because he just got a text message from some other girl....so i was glad i was single at that moment. Who knows what really goes on in these "cute Familys" ....do they really love eachother? ...Does " happily ever after " even exist....or so we all just settle for what we can get?

We all deserve to be loved wholy and fully. Especially if your married or have kids with the man or woman, so yeah id rather stay single until i know the guy loves me for me....hell id rather spend a day lonely then a life time of regrets :D

summertime

hello all, i hope you are enjoying the summer! i know i am , even more so after the set of experiences i have encountered. Life is great, i have a loving family, great friends and a potential love life again. As i sat by the pool today and listened to the birds and music playing i had to really envision if life got any better? the smell of flowers, the sun beating down on you , it was simply paradise in the city. Summer has always been my favorite time of year. I thank the lord daily for simple pleasures now. Today was a good day :D

Is anything Private anymore

i cannot begin to tell you how sick i am of seeing peoples private areas on the Facebook, myspace and even on this blogger thing. Is anything considered inappropriate anymore? i mean i hate normal pics of myself...let alone having the nerve to post nude ones for everyone and anyone to come and look at ...lol... the only thing i can say it makes me thankful that i have morals and standards when others don't. Sure i flirt online and in person...but come on now...you're asking for trouble when you go and do that. Some people have called me a prude..well id rather be a normal chick that hangs out with you ..then to be the chick to let it all "hang out"
hahaha
until next time peep :)

Truly Happy

well today was awesome. The weather cleared up and i was some money at the Rose Festival selling my purses, quilts and pillows i design and hand make. Really felt the skies opening up. My faith and love is with god and im grateful.
Fathers day celebrations were great too

Is accepting the outcome of this

Surgery

Well hi ya'll hope you are all doing well. I myself am coming to terms with the fact i need to have liver surgery to remove the baseball size tumor growing inside me...all this came about with a complaint of being tired and cold all the time. i am so glad i brought it up because after 6 months of not knowing wat was the problem i now maybe have an answer.Its still somewat of a shock really, kinda like its happening to somoeone else. i am lucky though to have great doctors trrying to figure out the situation, i may even be published in a case study because i am so young to have polycythemia and a liver tumor. O JOY!! the excitement of being a guinea pig ....sigh...o well i have faith in the lord above that i am going to go through this a better person in the end...hell maybe lose a couple pounds after they remove it ..i have to laught in this situation because otherwise i will worry and freak out that i have liver cancer...so now i wait again to have the surgery and then wait for the pathology reports...so i do not know wen my next posting will be ...so take care untill then ...check me out at facebook.com/marybeth.magnera

A Lighter Side...of Food

Chicken Wings, and KFC

Okay this is different from my past rantings, but just as important...lol

I am a fan of pizza and wings every now and then (mostly eat low salt, low sugar low fat..boring i know ) SOOOO when i want the chicken wing experience i want it all the bluecheese/ranch to dip em in, the spicy sauce AND the refreshing bite of the celery. Every place i seem to get wings at now adays has no celery ..what is wrong with this picture people? it ruins the whole thing for me.

Another thing is KFC having grilled chicken? the whole point of going there is to have fattening food to feel guilty about eating it later. It seens every where you go is a health nut craze( which i am now) BUT when you want fast food you go there for THAT ...not transfat free crapola....

sigh...i will live with the travesty of all this ..lol

Maybe

"Maybe means NO"

Wouldn't it be nice to get a straight answer from people? Yes or No should be an easy thing to decide. Like " Do you have kids?" The answer to that usually is quite simple. So why is it that in the dating scene people use "maybe" instead of coming right out and saying how they feel ...like " Do you want to date me ?" " Will you attend this important business event to show your support of me?"

~ In my opinion it would be refreshing if sometimes painful if the person would come right out and tell me " NO i'm not showing up because it would confuse you into thinking i want a relationship with you, and it's obvious i don't . " ...yeah that would hurt BUT i'd know where i'd stand at least INSTEAD i stood around all day HOPING to see a guy i once liked and am NOT over ...to magically show up to a sale i had going on today. Every man i saw with a goatee or backwards baseball hat i'd hope and pray that he was "HIM" ...for "He" said he "MAYBE" was attending .

~ My point is "Maybe " means NO

Examples

" Will you wash the dirty dishes tomorrow?....Maybe

" Will you ever be able to afford a mustang?....Maybe

"Will you ever marry a celebrity?.....Maybe

So my question to myself is will you ever get your hopes up again hoping "he'll" pop out of the blue?......MAYBE

No Justice

Sickness out of america

well i was watching the news half-heartedly and i happen to hear that a 64 yr old man actually admits to sodomizing a 5 yr old girl and he only gets sentenced to one year. WHAT THE ding DONG is up with that crap???? i swear to god out justice system protects potential and actual criminals way more than what they should. if there is proof and you confess to such heinous crimes , you go to jail and you stay there...hence the term "dungeon"...we should totally rock out with dungeons. i mean no one actually leaves jail rehabilatated so just let them rot away if you ask me.

i mean 1 year????

Is Any one Truly Healthy?

American Health

~Well i'm trying to determine if anyone is ever truly healthy?There always seems to be something wrong with somebody. If its not physical its a mental deficiency. Seriously even those who claim to be " so into health and fitness" always ends up with some kind of cancer or incurable disease. and then you have the types of people that smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish and they don't have anything wrong with them at all. Is that fair i ask you?

~ Sure i'm ranting about this because i have a probable tumor on my liver, a person who RARLEY drinks alchohol. And im 25 yrs old. then there was my sister who had a tumor on her body part( i won't mention where). thank god hers was not cancerous, they have yet to determine that with mine . Since when are we lucky to just have a benign tumor...how about no tumor at all?

~ we all know it has to do with our environment and all th crap we eat, whereever we look theres somekind of polution around us, and do any of us really know what is in the nuclear orange cheese dust on a deliscious cheese puff?

~ NOT that i'm going to stop eating junk food, just less of it. BUT what difference would it make in the long run?

~ Who knows what i will write next. Stay tuned america

hello

well
this is my first blog on here so i will have many more things to talk about later haha